Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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