Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
