Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
