Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
