Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
