pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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