i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you would pick up someone in the library
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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