Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
