no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
