your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
