They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
