that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
