New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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