Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
