He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
