i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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