just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
