I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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