Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize