porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
