hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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