This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
