The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
