OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I believe in your delicious
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
