The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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