You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
