ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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