You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
