My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
