Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
