He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
