i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
