The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
