They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
