What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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