I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
