just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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