The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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