I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
