there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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