The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
