What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Damn victory sex feels great
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
