Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
