He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hate all girls vehemently.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
