Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
