There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
