My Higher Power is John Stamos
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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