My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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