I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
