I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
