it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
