Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
