took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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