I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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