i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize