I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
