After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
