I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
