Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
