one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
