I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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