There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
