why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
