i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wear drunk well.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
