Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
